A Testament

I just got back from my Grandparent's 60th wedding anniversary celebration. I have never witnessed anything as beautiful as my 80-something grandparents renewing their original wedding vows. Never. My Dad acted as the minister and read, from a 60 year old notecard, the vows that my Memaw and Pepaw took in 1948. They repeated after him. When they said, "Until death do us part..." I really almost lost it. Because death is much closer now than it was when they were teenagers in the 1940s. When they said those vows, back then, well, it's obvious now, close to death, that they were very serious about them.

The fact that I cried at this touching moment is fine. Except that I was the designated camera person so I HAD to keep it together. So silently, tears streamed down my cheeks while I swallowed my sobs. It honestly was a very hard thing to do. I think it's why I am crying so much now as I write this. When the "ceremony" was over I went directly to my sister who, as I knew it would be, was balling. She hugged me and said she loved me and we cried together...because we know and appreciate the love Memaw and Pepaw have more than most. We were, together, on many occasions, witnesses of this amazing love. And we were, together, on this very occasion, extremely touched.

I had to pull it together again though to give a toast...which was a task Memaw asked me to do just an hour before. I wolfed down some cake, pounded my wine, wiped my runny mascara, and BAM...I was ready. So I toasted my beautiful grandparents. I am ridiculously good at toasting. I don't know why, I just am. Maybe because I tell a personalized truth about the toastees. But I spoke of the love they radiate to all people they meet. And I said the reason they are able to give such love is because they have experienced such a deep love from one another. And I said that their marriage is a testament to commitment, love and family values.

And then I filmed many other people giving very sincere toasts. My Grandparent's hearts must have been bursting from all the love directed at them.

It was a wonderful occasion. They are wonderful people. And my life is absolutely wonderful because of them.

not mine

he loves symmetry and i do too. oh i love symmetry. my initials are vertically symmetrical. HMH. fold them. it's beautiful. but regardless, he's not mine. and maybe it's because he loves symmetry too. maybe that's the problem. maybe i need someone who doesn't give a shit about symmetry, but appreciates the fact that i do.

Earth Day Ode

"The future is not somewhere we are going. It is something we are creating. Every day we do things that make some futures more probable and others less likely."
-Professor Ian Lowe, (2005), A Big Fix: Radical Solutions for Australia's Environmental Crisis

I read this quote in this article about taking action to reduce global warming. It has some really good tips on how to reduce carbon and green house emissions.

"Even if you remain a cynic, however, and believe that the majority of scientists are wrong, you'll benefit from reduced pollution, a more healthful lifestyle and increased savings from enacting these simple activities that will not reduce the quality of your life."

Let's make some changes...do it for the Earth, your kids and grandkids, or just for your present self.

Death

On Monday night I was laying in bed and my neck started hurting in a weird way. I thought, "that's a strange pain...I wonder if some vein is about to burst and kill me."

Then I thought, "well, if I die in the next couple minutes, at least I'm happy. Yeah, I'm really happy. Tonight was awesome. This wouldn't be a bad time or way to die. In my bed, smiling."

Then another thought struck me. "Do I want to die happily in my bed, or do I want death to come in the midst of pain and struggle while doing something good for someone else?"

And then I felt bad because the answer is happy in my bed. I realized I'm not a very sympathetic or compassionate person. I'm actually pretty selfish. Shouldn't I prefer to die for a greater cause? Like saving orphans or rescuing cats from a burning house?

I Was the Best Me, I Was the Worst Me

I have so much work to do. I'm back from my ski trip to Breckenridge. I don't want to work...I slept 9 hours last night in my own bed (which felt so good), but I'm still exhausted from the trip. And all I want to do is think about it, remember it, savor it. I don't want to cloud my mind with car advertising. I want to think about snow and carving down the mountain and the new people I met and the laughs I had. So I'm writing this blog instead of working...I just can't jump back into the "real" world yet.

If it's possible to be the best and worst version of yourself simultaneously, I was. I felt so alive: I was totally free, brave, charming, encouraging, affectionate, giving, funny. In turn, I was absolutely reckless, deceitful, crass, tired, drunk and hung over. Regardless, it was one of the best trips I've ever been on. I don't know if I could fully explain why. Partly because I was with my two oldest and best friends, partly because I was a bad ass on the slopes and the snow was perfect for being so, partly because of all the memories, no matter how crazy, that were made.

I won't ever forget this trip. It might have changed me even. It's too early to tell. But now I have to get back to what is, I'm told, "reality".

"Huge Gnarly Octopus"

My boss said this today in a meeting. I thought it was hilarious.

I'm going to Breckenridge tomorrow for a ski trip!!! Well, I'll be boarding actually...with my new boots! I can't wait. It's been far too long since I've carved down a mountain.

AHHHHHHH powdery, wonderful snow, here I come. I love you. Treat me well.