Sigh No More

Sighing...I find myself sighing too often when it comes to men, when it comes to dating, when it comes to the condition of my delicate (don't tell anyone I used that word as a descriptor) heart. While dating has basically consumed my life this year, right now it all feels like a huge waste of time.

The thing is, I am nearing 30. And at my core, I crave a rockin' relationship; I crave comfort, amongst other things male companionship brings. I desire having my own family unit and exploring the bounds of unconditional love. I want all that. Badly. But nothing I've had so far has felt quite right. Everything winds up as more of a pain than a joy. And THIS is annoying.

There is a song by one of my new favorite bands, Mumford and Sons, called "Sigh No More". I'm not sure any lyrics have ever so accurately described my deepest desires like this song does...

"Love that will not betray you, dismay or enslave you; it will set you free. Be more like the (wo)man you were made to be....The beauty of love as it was made to be."

Listen to the whole thing here: http://www.lala.com/#album/504684635190117185

I want this...I want love that won't hurt so much. That won't trap me, but rather that I can thrive in. That I can feel free in. That I can be myself in. That I can grow in. I want this.

But it's hard to believe this exist. So I'm done looking for it. Done. Let it find me; if it is a real thing.

March 4, 2010

Today is kind of huge. Exactly one year ago, I moved to Colorado. It's really hard to grasp that a whole year has passed. It was quite an eventful year. Since I am, at heart, a list-er, here's a list noting important things from the year in Colorado:

1- I moved three times and now live alone in a house that I love; after renting two different basements.

2- I got certified to be a Personal Trainer and worked at 24 Hour Fitness for six months.

3- I was depressed for the first time in my life.

4- I coached soccer for the first time and, all in all, enjoyed it.

5- I have had the chance to go snowboarding 21 days. That's a lot in a year, no?

6- I learned a lot about relationships and how much work they can be.

7- My relationship ended.

8- I took internet dating to a whole new level (or maybe just- I started internet dating).

9- I made some really great friends who enjoy the same things I do.

10- I discovered a new love for Kettlebells.

11- I got really just super fit.

12- I went into pretty severe debt.

13- I had the chance to travel back to Dallas A LOT. One trip was, unfortunately, for my Oma's funeral. But going home to see my family and friends always saved me a little.

14- I took some really beautiful hikes with friends.

15- I learned that life really is what you make of it. Your attitude is the umbrella that covers everything in your life. Happiness can be found really anywhere; but sometimes you have to search for it.

I guess a year ago as I pulled into the city, this isn't how I pictured my life being today. But this is my reality and it's wonderful and surprising and fun. I love living here and I plan to stay for a while. New discovers to be made everyday...and blogged about (well, let's be real; I probably won't blog about everything).

Lessons

I am learning a lot of lessons this year. Mostly having to do with dating and the ole love life. Allow me to pass on these little gems of wisdom to all you single (shingle) ladies out there...

1- There is no need to move at lightning speed when you meet a guy you like. Really, you have all the time in the world. Rushing into a relationship will only mess that relationship up.

2- If someone isn't sure if they're into you, then assume they are not into you.

3- Don't believe everything guys say...the most charming guys who make you feel the best about yourself are most likely heartless liars trying to get in your pants.

4- It is OK to get excited about a new guy, of course. But don't let that excitement take over your life. Keep living YOUR life regardless of this new person in your life.

5- The presence of a man in your life does not equal self worth or value.

6- At 29, I still have so much to learn. I feel like I should be an expert in love by now; but alas, I am not.

OK? OK. Stay cool, ladies. Stay cool.