I WANNNNED DAT!
September 1983:
I was in a bad mood the day my sister had her 5th birthay party. I was a 3 year old who had not taken a nap. The whole extended family came over to celebrate Holly's big day. I was sitting next to her on the ugly brown couch while she opened her gifts. Every time she opened a one, I would point at it, start frowning, then say, "I WANNNNED DAT!" Then the tears would flow. I'd hide my face in the couch and bawl. I was so jealous of her presents. Which, of course, made her more excited about them. This event is on video (my Dad taped EVERYTHING) and it is so adorable. You can hear all the adults in the background laughing at me and mocking me. They'd say, "Oh, Heather wanted that one too! Hahahahah." Priceless.
September 2007:
My sister turned 29 a few weeks ago. The whole extended family came over to celebrate her big day. After she opened her gifts, mostly just cards with money now a days, her boyfriend got down on his knee and asked her to be his wife. It was amazing and beautiful. It's not often you see a proposal. I was sitting next to her on the couch. I was initially so happy for her. But then the crabby 3 year old in me welled up and I wanted to burst into tears and scream, "I WANNNNED DAT!" But I didn't. After all, I had my nap that day. Oh, and I'm 27 now. It would have been very awkward. Although, I'm sure all the adults in the background would have been sympathetic to my jealousy this time instead of laughing at me. After all, like i said, I'm 27. And I'm single. And my sister has already been married once. Understandable jealousy?
The thing is, I'm not jealous that she's getting married. I guess it's more the fact that she's in love. And the fact that my parents are proud of her and happy for her. I crave that deep, lasting love she has found and I crave acceptance and approval from my parents. I feel like I have neither right now. And I just want to hide my face in the old, ugly brown couch from the 80s and bawl until this feeling goes away. But that couch is long gone.
posted by heather hub at 12:07 PM
6 Comments:
wow. congratulations to your sister.
and i'm sorry. i know the feeling. as excited as i've been to see all my closest friends from college walk down the aisle... i have, on more than one occasion, also felt the urge to stomp out of the church crying, "it's not fair! when's MY turn?"
and i'm sure your parents are extremely proud of you. i think it's just harder to see it when it's you. we can always see them being proud of our siblings, but just because nothing big has taken place for them to show it outwardly, doesn't mean it's not there.
i hope that made sense. it did in my head. if it didn't in yours... ask me about it later :)
1:59 PM
p.s. you're an amazing individual. i really have no doubt your family is thoroughly proud of you.
and i mean that sincerely.
2:02 PM
Not to make fun of this very serious post, but you need to digitize that video and post it on Youtube, like now.
6:31 PM
You said everything I think every time I get a wedding invitation. GREAT POST!
If you eat a cookie sometimes that helps. When I found out Emily was getting married, I ate three and wrote a blog about it.
You are a very cool person, one of my favorites. I know you'll meet someone.
12:50 PM
sorry i'm so late in reading and commenting. i have an excuse, but it's sort of hard to explain.
great storytelling, heather. that last line is good. seriously.
i agree with martha; i'm sure your parents are proud of you. however, i understand where you're coming from, and i know approval and acceptance seem more tangible when you can see it on their faces after a proposal. you'll have that moment some day.
i wannnned that for you and for me and for lots of other girls - but only the nice and cool ones.
2:18 PM
this is a good post. honest and well-written. i like it a lot. and it made me cry, along with my hormones.
11:50 AM
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