A Powerful Lyric

There is a Bright Eyes song called 'First Day of my Life'. I fell in love with this tune back in Fall '06 during the big road trip. Martha made Tahj and I some mix CDs for the driving, and this little gem was on one. I listened to it a lot...Tahj can vouch for that.

The song is about falling in love suddenly. I always thought it was cute and sweet. But after that Fall, I kind of forgot about it...you know how songs get lost as your life moves forward.

Well, a couple weeks ago I had my ipod on random in the car. It suddenly started playing the song. I didn't even know I had it on my ipod. So expecting nostalgia, I listened. And then I could hardly breathe. The words meant so much more to me this time. It might as well have been a different song. It was beyond cute and sweet...he was singing my story.

These verses particularly describe me:

I remember the time you drove all night
Just to meet me in the morning
And I thought it was strange
You said everything changed
You felt as if you just woke up

And you said, "This is the first day of my life.
I'm glad I didn't die before I met you
But now I don't care, I could go anywhere with you
And I'd probably be happy

So if you want to be with me
With these things there's no telling
We'll just have to wait and see
But I'd rather be working for a pay check
Than waiting to win the lottery"

If you replace "drove all night" with "flew all night"...then there you have it. It is exactly what happened when I realized I was in love with Justin. It WAS as if I just WOKE UP suddenly. And he DID think I was strange when I told him!

The line that really gets me choked up now is the last one..."I'd rather be working for a pay check than waiting to win the lottery." I didn't understand that line in Fall '06. I thought he just threw it in there for filler. But now, gosh, I GET IT.

My whole life I've had unrealistically high expectations for a mate. I wanted to just KNOW when I met someone; I wanted it to be easy; I wanted someone who had exactly every quality that I deemed perfect. I wanted to hit the jackpot...win the lottery. Fall in love at first sight. But what I didn't realize, and now do, is that a prize is so much more rewarding when earned. Achieving something you've actually worked towards is so satisfying. It's like when your parents started giving you money for doing chores...you valued that money you earned more than the money they use to just give you for no reason.

So with that in mind, I want to work at building my relationship. It's not easy always, but it's a journey and it is rewarding. And I'm moving to Colorado to pursue it further because, "now I don't care, I could go anywhere with you, and I'd probably be happy."

If you take out the word "probably" and replace it with "", then he's truly written me.