Wandering Thoughts
Is it true that there are people in your life (past or present) that you'll always have strong romantic feelings for? Or do I just have these feelings because I haven't met "the one", my "soul mate", the one who will wipe my memory of all past loves? Is there such a person?
I'm seriously asking those of you who are in a happy relationship, married or otherwise. What happens when you see an ex? Do you still have feelings for them or do you thank your lucky stars you're not with them? Do you wonder what your life would be like if you were with them now? How do you deal?
I am happy in my current relationship...really happy. I just don't know what to do with these wandering thoughts of mine. Is it always going to be like this? Is it bad that it is like this?
posted by heather hub at 7:16 PM
6 Comments:
That is a GREAT question. I'm looking forward to reading comments from people who are happily married and actually qualified to answer this, but I'd like to think the answer is yes, "the one" will wipe your memory, romantically speaking, of your exes.
On the contrary, now this is dark and scary biblical territory as far as I'm concerned, but there is also this: John 4:17,18 I just wonder what it really means.
8:52 PM
fantastic verse, anton. i wonder, too, what it means for us. b/c i don't think any of us will ever truly experience love without fear. i just can't fathom it... and having talked to happily married friends of all ages... there is always some amount of insecurity and fear... even in the grandest love stories.
anyway, heather. i wish i knew how to answer this for you. but i'm about the worst person in the world to hand out any sort of relationship advice or encouragement.
i hope you get some good answers.
9:25 AM
Hey Hub, props to you for putting this out there... I don't think many people would be brave enough.
As someone who's been extremely happy in marriage for 6 years, my input is that those feelings definitely go away. I still have special thoughts and memories of those I was in a serious relationship with, but I think that's a given based on all you shared together. It's more just nostalgia, not still having feelings for them.
Just my 2-cents.
10:09 PM
I agree with Kelly. I am happily married and in August we will celebrate our 4th anniversary. I still remember the great times with past beaus and your heart never forgets that aches of lost love. But I've never actually ran into an ex since I've been married so I don't know what that would be like.
However, I can honestly say I look at each of my past relationship with thanks for what I learned and what I gained and without any regrets for what I lost. Clay and I speak about our past relationships openly and honestly and we both feel that those people helped shape us in ways that prepared us for our marriage together.
And on another note, I truly believe you only find the one you're looking for when you stop looking. They show up in the most unexpected places!
11:12 AM
Yikes, I don't know if I like that verse. That's a lot to live up to.
I can't answer the questions in your first paragraph; I can only be encouraged by what your married friends have said.
At times I have done all of the things mentioned in the second paragraph. It's hard not to see somebody as an ex, even if they are a friend.
I think it's okay if you have wandering thoughts. But maybe that's just because I've had wandering thoughts at times. Maybe this will change if we find "the one," but part of me doubts that.
1:26 AM
GREAT question. Love it. See, here's my take on it. When you're in a relationship, you build things together, you change together and you obviously create memories together. To kill that I think is to deny the good things you gained and learned in the relationship... so because we don't live in the olden days where our parents marry us off at 14, being in a couple relationships before we meet HIM/HER is our reality.
I don't think it's wrong to wonder about or lightly stalk exes on facebook (hehe) because that person was obviously someone you cared about at one time. That's legit. And lame as it sounds, I think it's important to believe the best in them and wish them well if by chance you run into them. It might always be awkward, but only as awkward as YOU make it both both parties, ex and current lover. Eh?
4:34 PM
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